Beware the Bear

The following is a true account of a bear encounter that I had while camping with a friend of mine near Downieville, California. I’ve written it from the perspective of the bear, so read it with your best bear-voice. I’ve tried to get inside his head and see things from his perspective. What would a bear be thinking? Hmmm….

Ahhh. Such a beautiful night. Yawn. Ah, that was a nice little nap, and now it’s dark again. Time for my nightly rounds in the campground. Sniff sniff. Smells like there are some people here. What will I find? Here goes, down the main camp road. That looks like a big group of people. They’ll have lots of food. Sniff sniff. Yup, they got some good food. Oh no, a dog. That’s gonna make it tricky. Uh-oh the dog’s got my scent. I keep forgetting - stay downwind. Downwind. I’m so used to people not having much smell. Now he’s barking. Why is he barking? I’m just passing through, looking for a meal. Oh no, now that man is yelling at me. Ok, ok, I get the message - I’m moving on. No food from this group tonight. Down the road I go. There are other campsites, other people. I’ll find some food. Hmm, I don’t see anyone else on this side of the campground. I guess I’ll try the other side. I thought I saw some of those temporary shelters on the other side of the camp.

What’s that I see? Is it? Yes it is, a fire. And two people. This one looks promising. Got to get closer. Sniff sniff. Do I smell…beef? Meat? Yes! People always carry more food than they eat, so I get meat tonight! And, sniff, what else? Corn - smells like they burned it. No thanks. Apples? Yes, I smell apples. I love apples! I don’t find them here in the woods - only people have apples. This is better: now I’m close enough to see them good. Yup, only two people. Eww. Cigar smoke. Ooh. I see a cooler. Lot’s of potential there. They look pretty relaxed sitting there around the fire. Why do people always make fires out here? Oh yeah, they don’t see too good at night. He he. If only they knew I’m here watching, just a few yards away in the dark.

Wait. Did that person hear me? I don’t think so. It was only a small twig I stepped on. He’s not turning around. Oh no, now he’s turning his head to look. And he’s got a light in his hand. It’s a bright light. Right in my eyes. Thanks a lot, dude. Now he’s calling his friend to look. Great, two people staring at me with two lights. Ok, ok, you’ve seen me, now turn off the lights and get back to your fire. At least they’re not yelling or freaking out. Argh. Looks like they’re gonna keep staring. I’ll just sneak off into the woods and come back later for the food. Let’s see, first some water from the stream, then to mosey on over to the other side of their camp site to wait for them to go inside their shelter. Those people and their shelters. Why don’t they just lay down on the ground to sleep, like me? Oh yeah, no fur. I don’t know what I’d do without my fur. Probably be real cold.

Ah, that was some good water - I like this stream. Here I am, back at the other side of the camp site, out of sight in the trees. They won’t see me here. Now to watch and wait. Look at those two suckers. They keep shining their lights in the direction I walked off. Do they really think I’m gonna come from the same direction? Hello! I know this campground. I live here. What are they doing now? Putting their food away. Cleaning up. Moving all of the food away from the temporary shelter. Yes! I should be able to eat without disturbing them. Just a little longer stomach. Hold on. That one guy’s still watching the fire, but they’re not adding wood. Looks like the fire’s dying. All right! Fire’s out and they’re heading in for the night. Wait. Wait. Wait. The light’s still on inside the shelter. Come on guys, go to sleep - I’m hungry. Light’s off. Wait. Wait. Wait. They should be asleep by now. Alright! Dinner time!

Let’s see what we have here. Apples! Corn! Wait, it’s burned corn. No thanks. Food bars! Don’t want to eat the wrapper on those, so I’ll open one up and have a taste. Mmmmm. And what’s in this unopened bag? One way to find out. I’m guessing chips. Yes! Chips! Fritos! Score! Munch munch. Mmm. Munch munch. I’ll save some of them for dessert. Now for those apples. Munch munch. Mmmm. Good apples. Chomp chomp. I know I’m makin’ noise with these apples, but they’re so good and…wait, what’s that noise? It’s coming from the people’s shelter. Are they getting up? Did they hear me? Munch munch. Oh well, what are they going to do? Keep eating. Chomp chomp. There’s the zipper on the shelter, and there they go. Wait, now that one is turning to see me, with the light in my face again. Munch munch. Good apples. Now the other one has his light on me, too. Come on, guys. Can’t a bear eat a meal in peace? Well? Are you just going to stare at me? Ok, so you want to watch me eat. Well too bad. I think I’ll just grab this cooler and head into the trees. Later, dudes. Hmmm. This is a nice cooler. Fits well in my mouth. And I’m gone. Into the trees. I know they won’t follow me here - no one ever does. And they can’t see me with those lights, not where I am now. But I can hear them yelling. Ha ha ha. Keep yelling guys! Now, let’s see what’s in this cooler. I’ll just pop the lid off (no need to break it). Ice. Juice - orange juice. Good orange juice! Sweeeeeet. Slurp slurp slurp. And…beef! Yes! Only one small piece, but it’s beef. And what’s in this wrapper? Bacon! Bacon bacon bacon! Good, thick bacon! Yeah! Bacon! Munch munch munch. Slurp. Munch. Awesome. What else? Eggs. Nice. Crunch crunch. And…sausage! Good sausage! Woohoo. Munch munch munch. Thanks, guys! You really know how to take care of a bear! I like you. I think I’ll leave the cooler where they can find it in the morning. Mmm. Back to my bacon now. Mmmmm….

Mmmmm.......baaacon
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